I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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