your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize