So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
