1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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