Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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