You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
