Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You can't motorboat a personality
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
