I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
