my phone needs a breathalizer
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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