Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
