His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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