i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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