There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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