woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
