so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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