Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm jealous of your bromance
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
