bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I love having hate sex.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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