so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
