There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I love black thongs
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
