are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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