Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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