I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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