Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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