so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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