The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
