Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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