so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize