I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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