Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
