I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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