do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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