On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
