apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
