I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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