Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
