Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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