There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
