You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
