dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
