uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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