I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
