Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
