3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
