It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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