the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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