I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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