You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
wanna go halves on a baby?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
