Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
