Texts From Last Night

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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.

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  (720): I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice. http://tfl.nu/dx9d
  Replies (16) Good night (4283) Bad night (705)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings

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  (901): oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass (901): fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings http://tfl.nu/b0u6
  Replies (118) Good night (4486) Bad night (1421)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.

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  (518): im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there. http://tfl.nu/bvrv
  Replies (27) Good night (4791) Bad night (1118)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?

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  (702): As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation? http://tfl.nu/6nb1
  Replies (16) Good night (7173) Bad night (1282)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.

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  (413): I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3. http://tfl.nu/k38v
  Replies (38) Good night (15015) Bad night (1578)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.

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  (203): Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit. http://tfl.nu/kamj
  Replies (17) Good night (4934) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.

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  (419): Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher. http://tfl.nu/jcc0
  Replies (11) Good night (3772) Bad night (1085)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.

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  (309): they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy. http://tfl.nu/yj0s
  Replies (5) Good night (4095) Bad night (1519)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.

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  (423): By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time. http://tfl.nu/7ckj
  Replies (15) Good night (3252) Bad night (1185)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...

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  (919): Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible... http://tfl.nu/6e9j
  Replies (6) Good night (1722) Bad night (1057)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.

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  (225): Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u. http://tfl.nu/ux68
  Replies (17) Good night (1157) Bad night (2731)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  fair point

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  (630): oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us (1-630): fair point http://tfl.nu/efw3
  Replies (8) Good night (1837) Bad night (921)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.

  (773): View more from Illinois

  We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?

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  (773): What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat. (1-773): Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious. (773): We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru? http://tfl.nu/d3s4
  Replies (7) Good night (1522) Bad night (493)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"

  (406): View more from Montana

  Midwestern nice.

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  (608): He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!" (406): Midwestern nice. http://tfl.nu/grmw
  Replies (10) Good night (3096) Bad night (876)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick

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  (540): I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick http://tfl.nu/eynw
  Replies (3) Good night (934) Bad night (507)

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