11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.