Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
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The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
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Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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