Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
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I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!