Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now

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(248): I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now http://tfl.nu/naz7

Replies (3) Good night (3070) Bad night (730)
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(907): View more from Alaska

He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.

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(907): He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED. http://tfl.nu/5p57

Replies (10) Good night (2464) Bad night (816)
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(661): View more from California

is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?

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(661): is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero? http://tfl.nu/iroh

Replies (31) Good night (6115) Bad night (1025)
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(734): View more from Michigan

Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.

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(734): Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands. http://tfl.nu/f2kb

Replies (12) Good night (3877) Bad night (855)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.

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(505): There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm. http://tfl.nu/k80u

Replies (5) Good night (3265) Bad night (924)
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(518): View more from New York

we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well

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(518): we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well http://tfl.nu/pd1v

Replies (5) Good night (1335) Bad night (512)
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(360): View more from Washington

When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.

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(360): When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers. http://tfl.nu/l0o6

Replies (9) Good night (464) Bad night (2481)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.

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(603): He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it. http://tfl.nu/lxzp

Replies (6) Good night (1240) Bad night (853)
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(773): View more from Illinois

Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.

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(773): Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app. http://tfl.nu/h2ht

Replies (1) Good night (1171) Bad night (362)
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(815): View more from Illinois

I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit

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(815): I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit http://tfl.nu/a7ne

Replies (13) Good night (876) Bad night (509)
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(206): View more from Washington

I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.

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(206): I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family. http://tfl.nu/468g

Replies (1) Good night (1391) Bad night (347)
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(775): View more from Nevada

Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?

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(775): Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram? http://tfl.nu/uqso

Replies (6) Good night (685) Bad night (350)
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(816): View more from Missouri

We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.

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(816): We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri. http://tfl.nu/7urx

Replies (5) Good night (868) Bad night (313)
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(702): View more from Nevada

He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.

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(702): He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking. http://tfl.nu/611y

Replies (4) Good night (424) Bad night (665)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.

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(732): We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of. http://tfl.nu/cdwl

Replies (1) Good night (437) Bad night (220)

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