I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
