I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
