help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
