In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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