I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
