i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You ruined the universe
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
