I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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