I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
