The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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